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07 March 2019 @ 13:40
I had some plans to start updating again. Even told some of you about it. It'd been working well for you. Sure, I could do it too.

Clearly not.

Either way, I've realized, for somebody who has a lot, lots of things, experiences, friends, and even family - you do just as much complaining (if not more so).

And when I've reached out, as I don't have a lot of those things, I'm met with defeaning silence. Yet I see you're wildly vocal everywhere. But also specifically cryptic, and negative here.

I used to get so frustrated. Now, I just feel bad for you. Of course, this sometimes just makes me want to reach out more. But I don't. So, lose/lose for me.

Which just makes me frustrated and tired.

This cycle is ridiculous.
mood: disappointeddisappointed
music: Phish - Farmhouse
Camillecamille_vc on 8th March 2019 12:35 (UTC)

But honestly - sorry you’re going through that. It’s a tough situation to be in - the wanting to reach out so badly but knowing/feeling it’s futile...

It’s up to you - and that massive heart of yours - how to move forward. Is it worth holding on to this person? If you stopped trying, would they let the relationship slowly slide into obscurity?

In my experience (& in no way I am saying this is yours) - sometimes you have to lose something which you hold so dear in order to grow and move forward. Sometimes... what you love/care for just holds you back and ties a tether around the waist. Sometimes... the hurt you feel now is a quick bandage compared to the consistent disappointment and disregard you receive.
Samanthaahtnamas on 21st June 2019 22:25 (UTC)
I don't know why this was lost, and I'm just now seeing it. But, preach is right! Exactly what you've said. It's up to one's self. And ya know, that's kind of the icing on the cake - a double-edged sword, if you will. Because you control it, yourself, how you then out, what you let affect you, or what you let get to you. And so, if/when it turns out horribly, you have nobody but to blame but yourself. Heh.

That's the cynic in me, I know.

The optimist in me.. that part sees the silver-lining, the personal and emotional growth. The avoidance of that constant and repetitive disappointment and disregard.

It just... It's stupid. I'd say "it sucks", but really, it's just stupid. We could solve each other's problems, fill each other's gaps, but whatever. Fine. I'll go be a better person, even if that means growing further apart. At least I'll be better for it.